


You were the one I tried to draw.

by caitlesshea



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Armor, Love Letters, M/M, past Michael Guerin/Maria DeLuca - Freeform, teenage dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 19:44:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19837249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caitlesshea/pseuds/caitlesshea
Summary: Alex knows from Kyle and Liz that Maria and Michael broke up or whatever it was that they were doing. That doesn’t change anything though. He still doesn't want to talk about Michael.OrHow an old friend and some old love letters help Alex and Michael find their way back to each other.





	You were the one I tried to draw.

**Author's Note:**

> Quick note - I have no idea if you can paint a prosthetic, but fiction. And I have made Kyle the town gossip for...reasons.
> 
> Huge thanks to @allthehearteyes & @bestillmyslashyheart as always!
> 
> Title from "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" by John Mayer, because Malex.

Alex silently curses his cabin and living so secluded from people when the knocking on his door won’t stop. It means there’s zero chance of it being the wrong house. He heaves himself up and grabs both of his crutches to make his way to the front door. He opens it quickly and freezes.

“Oh hell no.” Alex says and closes the door. He breathes deep and mentally counts to ten. Just as he’s about to start counting again he hears her voice.

“Alex please. I just want to talk.” Maria says through the door. He doesn’t want to talk to Maria. He doesn’t even want to talk about Maria, much to Kyle’s dismay. She knocks again and Alex has half a mind to let her sweat out there but he’s never been cruel so he gives in after a moment and opens the door.

“You can sit. Right there.” Alex points to the kitchen table. “I’ll be right back.”

Alex makes his way towards his bedroom not willing to have this conversation without both his feet under him. He gets to his bedroom just as he hears his front door shut and he sits down on his bed. This is the first time she’s been here. It’s the first time he’s had anyone in his home that isn’t Kyle or Michael. Really that should say more about him, but he doesn’t have time to unpack it. 

He gets his prosthetic on and stares longingly at the red spray paint he bought on a whim after Rosa was brought back. Something about red being armor she used to say. He thinks about just spraying the metal red right now but decides against it and grabs jeans to hide it instead. 

He walks back into the kitchen and pauses. Maria is in the living room looking at his book case with a frown on her face. 

“Thought I said to sit?” Alex raises an eyebrow at her and she drops the composition notebook she was holding with a guilty look on her face. She picks up the notebook and comes to the table. Alex’s heart clenches at the one she grabbed but he doesn’t say anything. 

“Sorry.” Maria says and Alex wants to comfort her. He wants to grab her hand like it’s second nature but he stops himself.

“About Michael..” Maria whispers after the silence stretches. 

“I don’t want to talk about Michael.” Alex says back harshly. He is surprised to find that he means it. He knows from Kyle and Liz that Maria and Michael broke up or whatever it was that they were doing. That doesn’t change anything though.

“You don’t?” Maria asks him.

“No. I never want to talk about Michael.” Alex sighs and shakes his head. “It was never about Michael.”

“But…”

“No. No buts. It wasn’t about him  _ specifically.  _ It was about  _ you _ . And what you did. It was about you telling me that home could be a person and that I was hopeful about said person and then getting with that person without so much as a conversation. Because the last I heard from you was that it didn’t mean anything and it wouldn’t happen again. So imagine my surprise to find out that you  _ lied.”  _

“Alex…”

He stares at her, giving her his best unimpressed look, because that’s how he feels. 

“I’m sorry.” Maria says quietly again. “It was never going to work out between us anyways.” 

“That is not really the point Maria.”

Maria looks down at the notebook on the table and sighs. 

“He has a bunch of these too. In a box in the Airstream.” Maria starts talking as she runs her hands over the notebook. “He doesn’t know that I know, but he had them in a box in his truck, and when I saw them he took them inside and never said anything about them. But I’ve seen them.”

Alex rubs his hands over his eyes as he sighs. “They were the free ones at school, so yeah, he used them mostly.” 

“And you have them as well because…”

“Because he couldn’t afford a cell phone, so we’d leave notes in them. And until he could afford a computer to email me while I was gone, we sent them back and forth to each other when I was stateside.” 

Her breath catches. “Really?”

“Yes.” Alex nods and picks up the notebook. It was one of the last ones they wrote in before he left for The Academy. The ones on the shelf in his living room contains their correspondence from when he was enlisted. Michael has the ones from the tool shed they used to leave for each other and the ones they used in class to pass notes. 

“I didn’t know you two…”

“Kept in touch?” At her nod ‘yes’ Alex continues. “He came to visit a few times too.” He shrugs. 

“He has a picture, a drawing really, tacked up in the Airstream on one of these pages of this cabin.” Maria says as she strums the table with her fingers. Alex’s hands tighten on the notebook before he sighs and opens to the page that’s missing. The edges are well worn, and he won’t admit it, but he knows she can tell he turns to these pages often. He lays the notebook down on the table and turns it towards her.

He knows what she’s looking at. The next page is an outline of all the rooms of this cabin with labels on each section and notes that they wrote for each other. 

An arrow pointing to the master bedroom with ‘Our Room’ in Michael’s messy scrawl. The kitchen with a Smeg Fridge colored in teal in Alex’s handwriting. Each room has a note or label, or has colors from the colored pencils Michael stole from Isobel. 

The one that makes the tears fall from Maria’s eyes though is the label for the second bedroom. An arrow with ‘Alex’s Office’ in Alex’s handwriting and then crossed out and in Michael’s handwriting ‘Kids Room - I’m thinking Mara or Rath or both with bunk beds!’ and a response ‘Kids!? Where did you get those names?’ from Alex. The bottom has Michael’s ‘In a dream’ with a cloud drawing. Even then Michael knew his parents names, he just didn’t _remember_. 

“This was?” Maria chokes up and can’t finish her question.

“This was the last notebook we shared before I left.” He flips to some other pages to show Maria. Their class schedules at UNM, their studio apartment they had put a security deposit down on. All of the money Michael had saved from Sanders at the time. Song lyrics they loved, song lyrics they wrote. Complex equations Alex just drew hearts all over. Before he can get to caught up in the memories he takes the notebook back and closes it. 

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry things didn’t work out. I, more than anyone, know what it’s like to be loved by Michael, I wouldn’t deny anyone that chance.” Alex whispers because he’s just...so...done. 

“It wasn’t.” Maria clears her throat. “It was never like that.” She reaches across the table for his hand but he pulls his away. He nods his head. 

“I just...I need some time.” Alex says quietly. Maria nods. 

“Are you two?” She asks him curiously but he shakes his head.

“Only if it’s about Caulfield.” Alex shrugs. 

“He’s hurting. I know you two have so much to talk about, but maybe you’ll find a way to get back what you once had.” 

Maria looks at him thoughtfully and gets up to leave. She turns at the last minute and hugs him. For a second he forgets about the pain and sinks into her embrace. She pulls back and kisses him on the cheek but before he can even say anything she’s gone. 

He isn’t sure he’s ready to forgive her, he isn’t sure if he’s ready to forgive Michael, but he knows that if he ever has a chance of getting his heart back he has to try. Luckily for him, he knows just where to start. 

He grabs the composition notebook and opens to the next clean page. He begins writing and he doesn’t stop until the tears have stopped falling. It’s more words than he’s ever written and more honest than he’s ever been with Michael and himself. 

He grabs his keys and gets up to leave. He knows he’s heading to the junkyard before he even realizes it but he takes a detour and stops to grab a few things.

**~~~**

Alex pulls up to the junkyard and sees Michael working on a car. Alex takes a moment to appreciate the view. Michael’s tighter than sin jeans and ratty white t-shirt that definitely has holes and grease stains. His cowboy boots and belt buckle. And the halo of golden curls that are spilling over his forehead, slick with sweat. Alex nearly swallows his tongue and counts to ten to steady himself.

He steps out of his Jeep with a bag in one hand and the composition notebook in the other. 

“Alex.” Michael greats him wearily. 

“Hey.” Alex fiddles with the notebook before he hands it over to Michael who looks at him skeptically.

Michael’s breath catches as he recognizes which notebook it is. Alex sits down in a lawn chair while Michael opens the notebook to the bookmarked page. 

Alex knows that he’ll see the long letter he wrote and he hopes that when Michael’s done reading they can move forward.

_ Michael, _

_ A friend came by and reminded me of our notebooks. Our one salvation other than the guitar from when we were younger. Flipping through these pages it’s hard to reconcile the boys we once were with the men we are today. We had $500 to our name and dreams bigger than the stars. Though I guess that makes sense now. These pictures in here of a home for us. Of multiple homes, actually. The tool shed, the studio apartment, the cabin that I said I wanted to buy from Jim. Every note, every conversation, every drawing, was all leading back to one thing...a home with you. At seventeen, at twenty two, at twenty eight and beyond. I never meant to lose sight of that over the years, but I think it just led me to this realization instead. Home isn’t any of those places. Home is you. Home is with you. A life with you. Whether that’s an office, bunk beds, or a trip to Antar. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it. That I almost forgot what is most important to me. If I could draw, I’d add to our collection of homes, but know that it would just be me and you.  _

_ Love, _

_ Alex. _

Alex looks up at the sound of Michael dropping the notebook. He sees the tears flowing down Michael’s face as Michael comes to sit next to him. 

“Alex.” Michael chokes out and grabs his hand. Alex squeezes back and brushes the tears away from Michael’s cheek. 

“I know we have a lot to talk about and a lot to work out but it’s clear to me now, what I want, what I want with you and what I want from us, if you want that too.”

“I do. I do.” Michael says and Alex leans his forehead against Michael’s. Alex would comment on Michael’s choice of words but he lets it go for now. 

Michael floats the notebook over to them and opens to the page with the letter. Michael’s staring at the letter with something akin to wonder and it makes Alex’s heart beat a little faster. He feels butterflies in his stomach like he’s seventeen again and waiting for Michael to speak at the UFO Emporium. 

“Thank you.” Michael says quietly as he runs his fingers of his left hand over the words

“You’re welcome.” Alex leans in and kisses him once before he pulls back and grabs the bag.

“What’s all this?” Michael asks as Alex takes out the teal, purple, gold, and pink spray paint.

“Rosa said I should paint it red.” Alex taps his prosthetic. “So it becomes armor. But I think I want it like this instead.” Alex points to the colors. 

“Like what?” Michael asks as he looks at the colors. Alex nods his head towards the bunker and Michael’s eyes light up in recognition.

“Like home.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Come find me on Tumblr - same username!


End file.
